A Sport England survey said that golf was the second most popular ball sport. ‘Second?’ we cried. ‘Well, we’ll have to sort that out...’

So we’ve gone on the campaign trail again. Following on from successes like having the Mayor of Brighton change his email address after we plagued him to give Cambo the keys to the city and our attempts to have Nick Faldo knighted we now want to make golf the most popular sport in the nation.

According to the survey, golf is the second most popular ball sport and seventh most popular sport overall in England with almost a million and a half (1,457,347) people playing each month. But that leaves us dawdling behind boring pastimes like walking, swimming, going to the gym, cycling, football and jogging, and let’s face it, noone seriously likes those.

Bill Bryce, chairman of England Golf, said: “This can only be of benefit to the health of golf, and its clubs in particular, because having more players playing makes the sport more sustainable, accessible and affordable for everyone who wants to participate.

Quite simply, we are about growing the game for everyone.”

Hear, hear Bill! So are we. So we want you to drag every body and soul you know down to your local driving range, muni or golf club and get them swinging. Cheat, lie, feign terminal illness, do whatever you have to. We want surveyors from Sport England to ring us up enraged that they can’t keep track of the number of people taking up the game. We want TRILLIONS OF GOLFERS!