Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Howzat!

I curse you for ruining my life by introducing me to stickcricket. I innocently checked it out while having a good look around your website and ever since then I have been glued to my computer clicking away like a novice paparazzi photographer at the Oscars. My friends have disowned me, my girlfriend as good as left me, I generally began to hate everything in the world, but all was not in vain. You will be pleased to see that I have beaten the target set by Gavin 'Busy' Newsham so can I please have my wristband and balls?
Lonely from Wigan.




9/6/2005 1:34:00 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Monday, September 05, 2005
Buggy Me!

Are your weekends a bit boring? A spot of DIY the most interesting item on the agenda? Well then, let golf liven up your life.
You don’t have to arm yourself with sticks and drag yourself around the links to have fun. The beautiful game offers a number of thrill-seeking opportunities, like the record-breaking attempt organized by our chums across the pond.
Thousands of people got together to smash the Guinness World Record for the world's largest golf-cart parade. Seriously, it’s true.
The current record stood at 1,138, but a massive 3,318 carts revved into The Villages retirement resort in Orlando, Florida, to completely obliterate it. The count still has to be verified by Guinness researchers, but organizers are convinced that there will be no problems.
"I don't think we can be beat," said Joe Gibbons, a 65-year-old retired stockbroker from New York City. "If we had to break the 1,138-cart record and you could only bring a red cart, we'd still beat them."

About as much fun as you can have in a buggy that doesn’t involve shooting 65. Let’s see if we can organize something to prove him wrong. Anyone interested?


Almost there, only 3,316 to go.

Words by Shaun McGuckian Photo by Ian Moore.

9/5/2005 6:41:14 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Friday, September 02, 2005
Something for the Weekend

If you find yourself sat at home in your pants in the evening, why not put down that meal for one, turn off Hollyoaks and practice your bodybuilding poses instead? Being super fit specimens, the Golf Punk team have been doing little else recently. Owen Blackhurst has mastered the Front Lat Spread, Shaun is still working on his Rear Double Biceps and Dan Owen (below) came in the other day and showed off his new Front Abdominal and Thigh Isolator. It brought the house down.


Words by Gavin Newsham

9/2/2005 7:15:17 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Thursday, September 01, 2005
Golf: not just for geezers any more……………………

Just like all you Golf Punks out there, Americans will think of any excuse to get drunk. This past weekend in Dewey Beach, Delaware, golf was the excuse. I was on my way to the beach at 9:00 am when I passed by The Starboard, one of the East Coast’s best bars. I noticed a tent in the parking lot that displayed a huge sign that read “Bar Golf”. Telling my friends that I had to do “research” for Golf Punk, I strode into the crowd to get some insight in to what was going on. The young girl at the tent told me that $20 would buy me a bar golf tee shirt and admission in to the game. She then explained how Bar Golf works: Dewey Beach has 18 bars, and each bar serves as a “hole”. Each hole has a designated drink that players must drink in order to keep score. If a golfer takes the chosen drink, he is par for the course. If he opts to take another, he has birdied the hole. If he does not take a drink, he has bogeyed the hole. Players are given a marker, whose job it is to mark the tally on the player’s shirt. The tournament lasted all day, rather delaying my trip to the beach. The scene at the end of the night resembled the fall-out from a Happy Gilmore wrap party. Whatever was remembered probably wasn’t seen and what was seen definitely shouldn’t be remembered.
Still, Keep Yourself Nice!


Bar golf goggles: A (wo)man’s best friend.

Words and Pictures by Brynne Ashton

9/1/2005 9:10:51 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Wednesday, August 31, 2005
It's Just Not Cricket

M Leigh & NM Smith v AJ Stewart and GA Small – Wentworth GC West Course 18th August 2005

It all came about during an auction at the England v Australia Twenty-20 non-match at the Rosebowl in June. My mate Neil generously paid charity a substantial sum for the honour of giving two ex-cricketers time off from watching Ashes cricket to play us at Wentworth’s West Course, home of the HSBC World Matchplay.
On arrival at Wentworth we were greeted by two English cricket legends; step forward ex-England Captain, wicketkeeper and 18 handicapper, Alec ‘Stewie’ Stewart. Partnering Stewie, the former Gloucestershire and England fast bowler better known for his looks than his 10 handicap, Gladstone ‘Stone Man’ Small. Although we were giving away 8 and 2 shots respectively, it was only after we raced into a 3-hole lead after 3 that we realised we weren’t going to get hustled by the competitive ex-sportsmen. Stewie’s tee shot on the 1st was a shove into trees on the right, after which he confessed that he could easily walk out to bat (and occasionally make a quick trip back to the pavilion) in front of 90,000 spectators at the MCG, but teeing up his ball in front of 2 strangers on one of the best courses in the country was slightly more daunting. We helped look for his ball in some foliage only to discover once found that it was stamped with both his name and the Chelsea FC logo. If we’d known this before we wouldn’t have bothered looking.
Surprisingly, we reached the halfway hut two-up. Stewie had already been mocked about ‘dropping his balls’ by some local cad on the practice putting green and was once again subjected to a similarly original jibe when handling a sausage sandwich at the halfway hut. The Stone Man’s round to date had resulted in the shedding of 4 lost balls and minimal contribution to the match.
The match had continued to produce golf of a reasonable standard coloured by very few halved holes and a boatload of lost balls for Gladstone. We reached the 18th tee all square and the honour was with the cricketers. The pressure was on and these two melted like tarmac in the searing Surrey sun. Stewie duffed his drive into a bushy spot on the right so Stone Man took an iron for safety. Unfortunately for him it his eighth lost ball cannoned into another bushy enclave. Stewie hacked around in the trees for a while before again being subjected to hilarious ‘don’t drop it’ comments from some construction workers by the green. The duo then conceded to a par and a one-hole defeat. They’d received a golfing lesson that would most probably be easily forgotten by the following day, and our expected prize of winning a pair of tickets for the Oval test was sadly replaced by a mere handshake.
After another ‘don’t drop it’ directed at Stewie from some wag, we moved into the clubhouse for a Ploughmans lunch and a swift pint. Decent blokes, awful golf and a lot of lost balls, what more could you want.

Words by a mate of Gav’s

8/31/2005 8:22:32 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Friday, August 26, 2005
Fairway Fashionistas

So, it seems that Ian Poulter is no longer the star dresser on the PGA tour. Don’t get me wrong, he still has amazing trousers, but I was surprised to see that he was rather muted compared to some of the other getups I saw. The USPGA was like a fashion catwalk, with players trying to outdo each other on the course. Every time I turned around there was one outrageous outfit after another. The wildest ensemble by far was Darren Clarke’s black and metallic pink pinstripe pants with matching magenta shirt. People were actually stopping and taking pictures of his outfit. I have to say, he looked sharp. It takes a real man to wear magenta. Rory Sabbatini won the ‘patriotic golfer of the week award’ for his camouflage pants (that he apparently wears once a week). Sergio wins the most improved dresser award for his fetching red shirt with matching Adidas golf shoes, although he still refuses to unbutton the collar. Needless to say, Jesper, Freddy Jacobson, and Richard Johnson were resplendent in their neon J. Lindeberg apparel. I don’t quite get the sweat band halfway up the arm; is it a fashion statement or for tendonitis? Either way, I’m happy that golf has finally become hip. All I can say now is: “Keep wearing those tight pants, guys!”

Clarke's fashion clinic featuring surgical glove.

Words and Pictures by Brynne Ashton

8/26/2005 8:28:17 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Thursday, August 25, 2005
Ashes Test

I hereby issue a challenge to all GOLFPUNK online readers eager to find alternative ways to waste those soul-sapping days at work. Visit www.stickcricket.com, play the Ashes game (as England) and see if you can win in less than 11.1 overs. And if you dont believe its possible, heres the evidence....


Any one out there who can prove they can beat this feat gets a set of Lindeberg sweat bands and a sleeve of Srixon Soft Feels. Game on!

Time Wasted/Record Set by Gavin "Busy" Newsham

8/25/2005 5:17:51 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Devon knows why they're all so crazy!

We were down at the cradle of golf in Devon recently where we came across some very strange behaviour.
Chatting in the clubhouse we heard about the golf-mad Vicary family who just can’t keep away from the course.
Mother, Sue, is ladies captain and plays to a wicked eight handicap. Son, James won the club championship last week and when we visited their home we found father, Pete, daughter, Kate, and the two dogs glued to the golf on the tele.
Chatting non-stop about golf, however, isn’t the extent of their addiction. In their living room is a telescope that looks down across the links. Whenever one of them is out playing on the course they are constantly being watched in the house – a sort of rural live update feed.
In fact, Sue has even gone so far as to text James on the course to tell him that his stance is shut!!
While we applaud their obsessive love of the great game and welcome them warmly into the GP family we must inform them that they are in flagrant breach of rule 8-1, which prevents a player giving advice to anyone in the competition playing on the course other than their partner.
That’s a two shot penalty family Vicary!

Do you have or know of any weird golfing behaviour? Get in touch. Why? Because we told you to!!

Words by Shaun McGuckian

8/23/2005 5:41:16 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 


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