Friday, June 09, 2006

Minnie George - The Sequel

We have previously published a fantastic picture story from the talented (possibly warped) mind of Minnie George, daughter to our illustrious (possibly warped) deputy editor, Iestyn George.

The story proved so popular that...hang on that's not quite right. Minnie's angst and frustration grew to such a level that she felt compelled to produce a sequel to her epic first title 'How singers die'. Critics around the office are amazed by the innovative caricatures and inventive plot.

You know what they say about childlike innocence and honesty....


                      

                    
                                   Stage fright got the better of the Fab Four

                     
                         Tragically, Hillary Duff overdosed on cough syrup

                   
                    My personal favourite. Chico dying from over-exurberance to the
                         poignant phrase: "Oh God, you have done us some good."

                 
                             The Super Furries being super furry, and dead

For when golf isn't enough | Your funnies
6/9/2006 1:27:27 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 
They say that moving is one of the most stressful things you can do

This story has just appeared on the BBC website. I would've loved to been a fly on the wall during this conversation:

I mean what do you say to someone who has just asked you to literally shift earth? Montrose is also the fifth oldest golf course in the world, so could quite easily argue that it has been alright so far and wil take its chances, thank-you very much.

Bosses at one of Scotland's oldest golf courses have been asked to move it inland, due to costal erosion fears.

Angus councillors said part of Montrose Golf Course had to be realigned because of increased sand dune erosion.

Council officials warned the issue at Montrose beach was posing a public safety risk and that increasing tides would make the dunes more unstable.

Councillors also concluded that more research on how to tackle the erosion problem had to be undertaken.



                                                                         'left a bit'


Golf News | Your funnies
6/9/2006 1:04:21 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Thursday, June 08, 2006

Unsure? Just ask Wayne Rooney

Those of you cocooned in some anti World Cup bubble may have missed the furore that has surrounded the 4cm of metatarsal in the left foot a 19-year-old scouse striker, Wayne Rooney.

If so, here's a brief update. In April, the poor fella was the victim of a late challenge and broke his foot. The country proceeded to plunge in apoplectic meltdown, claiming that his nimble feet were the only way that England were ever going to win this year's World Cup. Cue overblown newspaper headlines, bizarre websites devoted to healing processes and a four million per cent increase in the number of newborn children named Wayne.

The latest twist in this saga is that young Rooney actually might make the squad after all. In fact he told England manger Sven Goran-Erikksson today that he is "300% sure he will make it." So to join in all the fun here are a few other things that we are '300% sure' about:

The ham in my sandwich today was definitely from Wiltshire

Rubiks Cubes are hard

Red Bull gives you wings

'Celebrity' anything will always be shit

Seedless grapes are the future

Hayfever sucks

We all want to be in the pub right now


Your funnies
6/8/2006 12:42:34 AM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Congrats to our GolfPunks

This has been a rather slack time for me on the blog of late, owing to an increasing number of days out of the office and working for the magazine (mainly golfing so I'm not complaining).

I haven't however turned my attention away fro the game at all and I would like to begin by extending our warmest congratulations to our resident 'GolfPunks Against the World', Paul Casey, Graeme McDowell and Graeme Storm, all of whom have qualified for the US Open at Winged Foot next week.

I managed to spend some time with Paul Casey a few weeks ago and he told me that his aim was to play well in Europe and try and force his way into the world top 50 and qualify automatically for the year's second major. He then went on to finish fifth, second and 11th, earning himself a tidy sum and bolstering his ranking from 56th to 42nd. So, congratulations on a job well done Paul, and with the way he's been swinging the club recently it would be no surprise if he finds himself in contention on the final day.

The big bonus for us was learning that both Graeme McDowell and Graeme Storm both qualified for the event by finishing tied second in the final qualifying event at Walton Heath golf club on Monday. The pair both shot two-under par totals afteer 36 holes to make the plane to the US next week. A special mention must go to the winner of the qualifer, Dutchman Martin Lafeber, who beat the rest of the field by eight shots, recording a ten-under-par total.

Across the pond the world's attention was focussed on Micheel Wie, who was making a lot of noise in the world's media once more by trying to qualify for a men's tournament, mind you not just any event, the men's event in America. She made it through the regional qualifying with grace and was putting in a bold performance in the final sectional qualifying, standing at two-under with just six holes to play. Unfortuately, the situation overcame her and she just missed out, allowing the can she/should she debate to rear its tiresome head again, but for a sixteen-year-old child competing at a level that is meant to be well beyond her, she did outstanding adn should be very proud.

In fact, I'm very excited about the whole women's game at the moment. While the domestic side of womens golf is apparentely taking a severe beating here in Britain, the professional game has never looked so healthy.

Annika Sorenstam and Ai Miyazato went toe-to-toe with some sparkling golf in the Shoprite LPGA classic, and Michelle Wie seems to be generating an enormous amount of publicity for the game. The wealth of talent runs through all the different generations on Tour, and there is a lot that could be learned by watching the way these girls make their way around a golf course. Good Work Ladies, keep it up. We'll be watching this week with a keen interest.



6/7/2006 10:59:35 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Define Idiocy

And to cultivate my new found hatred, I started roaming the net trying to figure out why anyone who be so pointlessly moronic as to devote their life to a task as inane as spamming and I couldn't work it out for the life of me, until....

A group of would-be thieves were tripped up going back for a second load of alcohol from the Skyline Golf Club in Beaver Creek Township, the Crawford County Sheriff's Department said.

The owner of Skyline Golf Club, Gerald Balmes, interrupted the break-in shortly after 2 a.m. Friday when he found a vehicle sitting outside of the clubhouse, Sheriff Kirk Wakefield said in a release. The vehicle sped off and Balmes attempted to follow. The driver of the suspect vehicle, identified as a 21-year-old Grayling woman, lost control at the intersection of Five Mile Road and Old 27 South and hit a billboard. The occupants then fled on foot.

Deputies discovered several cases of beer and bottles of liquor inside the car. When they returned to the golf club, they discovered numerous cases of liquor stacked for removal by the side door.

The driver plus a 22-year-old female and four males ages 15, 17, 19 and 20 were arrested and all but the 15-year-old were lodged in the Crawford County Jail. All are from the Grayling area. Names of the suspects are being withheld pending arraignment.

'Would-be' is even a fraction generous, I think.


Your funnies
6/6/2006 10:00:04 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 
Thanks

Firstly, I'd just like to say a big thank-you to everyone who rallied to get our blogroll up and going again. A special thanks to those who immediately sent in our google cache.

If you have been left off then apologies, please get in touch and we will rectify this. I have to say that this has given me a new found enthusiam for blogging and a new pet hate - spammers- which I seem to share with a number of others, so in every raincloud is a silver-lining I guess.


Golf Punks
6/6/2006 9:42:51 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Friday, June 02, 2006

Stretching the purse swings...

Stumbled across this little nugget of news, which might go some way to explaining why so many people think that golf is still a rich man's sport...

The newest golf course in the Hamptons may already be No. 1 in at least one category: price.

Sebonack Golf Club, which opened for limited play last weekend in Southampton, New York, costs what might be a world- highest $650,000 for a membership that ensures accommodations at one of 15 four-bedroom ``cottages'' being built around the course. It's $500,000 just for golf.

The new club sits between 95-year-old National Golf Links of America and four-time U.S. Open host Shinnecock Hills Golf Club at the eastern end of Long Island. Other neighbors include Atlantic Golf Club and the Bridge, both in Bridgehampton. Membership in those clubs -- by invitation only -- tops out at $575,000.

``The numbers are all amazing, but you're dealing with the Hamptons here,'' said Phyllis Dixon, a broker with Prudential Douglas Elliman.


Well, whoever those Hamptons are Phyllis, could they lend us a tenner.

link: here
Golf News
6/2/2006 1:14:50 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 
World Robot Championships of Golf

We're going to start back with a vengence....

I know that some people complain about the professional game being full of 'robots' and no orginal and individual swings, but these Italian fellas are making there point rather unsubtly.

"Robots from all over the world have come to Italy for the world's first robot golf challenge .

It is the first time Italy has hosted the annual World Robot Championships, which pose fresh technological challenges each year .

"The rules change every year so we have to keep building new robots able to handle the performances required of them," said organiser Giovanni Muscato of the host university in Catania. Five Italian pairs are competing against 60 two-robot teams from 28 countries .

The four-ball pairings, as they are called in golf, score points for putting blue and red balls into holes of the same colour .

If they hit a ball into the wrong hole they are penalised .

The challenge is even harder because there are also black balls in play, which must be avoided at all costs .

"It might seem no use to have a robot able to recognise and hit a ball but many of the technologies that make these robots work can be applied to practical uses," Muscato said. "They could easily be programmed to pick fruit, for instance."

Link: here  http://ansa.it/main/notizie/awnplus/english/news/2006-05-31_1313267.html


6/2/2006 12:49:26 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 
We shall fight them on the blogroll. We shall never surrender!

A big hello to everyone.

You may have noticed that there's been a few changes made to our glorious blog. This is due entirely to those festering parasites of all that is virtuous and pure in the blogging world; online gambling sites.

The moneygrabbing, soulless terrorists began to SPAM golfpunkonline last week and within hours were slowly working through our blog and littering it with their uninventive, pathetic pipe-dream drivel. The site slowed to a crawl and I have received over 7000 emails in a week. At one point I was thinking about recycling the trash in a fitting manner - printing out the tripe and turning it into office toilet paper.

We were a little unprepared for this SPAM attack and have worked hard to correct the flaw. I am pleased to say that we now have a nuclear defence system in place and the first bugger that tries to clog up our beloved blog again will be met with the collective ire of the golfpunk baseball team.

On a sadder note, there's been one casualty in this unnecessary war. Our Blogroll tragically suffered fatal wounds at approximately 11am this morning , wiping out an entire community of golf bloggers in the process. But we will not be defeated. We will start again and carry the spirit of golf bloggers forward.

So, join us in this quest. If we have lost your details then please accept our apologies and help us to correct this oversight immediately. Send your details to website@kynpublishing.com and we will restore the blogroll to it's former glory.

                       
                       If you know a friend who can help then get in touch

dasBlog
6/2/2006 12:15:27 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Friday, May 26, 2006

GolfPunk and the Kintyre Cup

I will be playing in a little event from Sunday called the Kintyre Cup. It is a Ryder Cup style event where a bunch of European journos will take on a posse of American journos for patriotic pride...and the opportunity to play around Turnberry for three days.

I don't want to brag, after all you should be well acquainted with the Open Championship course, but I will be representing the continent and tasting the finest whiskys that the area has to offer.

But on a less pompous note, I'm a little unprepared for the event. I haven't played in six weeks and managed to venture out for 18 holes yesterday, which was colourful to say the least. The sun came out after 1.298,877 days of continuous torrential rain and I got burnt to a crisp. My face redder that a slapped arse.

The golf was wayward and sporadic with holes merely being the milestone I managed to pass at the end of a zig-zagging 1000 yard walk. So, taking my cue from the nation's favourite cook, Delia Smith, I am calling on you fellow blog readers  to be my 12th man - actually  that doesn't work but I will probably need the support and luck of eleven other people.

I will be reporting live from the event at the end of every day, tumbler in hand and you can see how I plan to represent my Continent live and exclusive right here. Please God, show your support. I just don't think I can handle the lonely nights...

Yours, webitor bloke Shaun.


5/26/2006 8:31:45 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 
URGENT WARNING!!!



Your funnies
5/26/2006 8:15:44 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Get off the Fence!

A dispute is brewing in Hewlett Harbor, where homeowners are "teed off" about a 75-foot net-fence that the local golf club erected to keep golf balls from being hit on private property.The black netting abuts million-dollar homes in the posh Nassau County village and is visible from several blocks around.People in the Village of Hewlett Harbor and the Village of Hewlett Bay Park don't like the fence erected by the Seawane Country Club.The country club erected the fence after losing a lawsuit to a Hewlett Harbor homeowner.
Now, some residents of nearby Hewlett Bay Park have filed a lawsuit saying the 300-foot long fence that towers 75 feet high is an eyesore.

Link: http://www.wnbc.com/news/9265650/detail.html

Golf News
5/24/2006 5:13:37 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Casey does the business...so far

GolfPunk diarist Paul Casey, is on track for automatic qualification for the US Open at Winged Foot next month after two sterling results at the British Masters and Irish Open.

Paul finished fifth and second respectively, which has shunted him from 56th to 42nd in the world rankings. The top 50 players in the world automatically qualify for the US Open.

So that's a massive woohooo from us and a fingers crossed that Nick Dougherty and Graeme McDowell can follow suit.


Golf Punks
5/23/2006 5:21:53 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0]