Wednesday, April 23, 2008
How to Gain Respect on the Golf Course (Without Practice)

Searching the web for blogable golf nonsense we came across this rib tickling bit of advice from master blogger Goochy. Enjoy.

"The golf course can be a very tricky place for any number of reasons. It is a sport very rich in prestige and tradition. And odds are, you are about to embarrass yourself once you set foot on that finely trimmed grass. Playing golf well commands a high level of respect from both your friends and spectators. A straight, long drive can take a seemingly overweight, alcohol swilling, cigar smoking man and turn him into an elite athlete (i.e. John Daly).

Clothes/Attire

The clothes make the man. The first thing that anyone will see when you arrive at the course, before you even step foot on the grass is your apparel. Dressing the part and having the appropriate accessories can gain you respect without you having to ever swing a club. The first thing we need to focus on is the pants. Pants are typically put on the back burner while people focus on buying flashy golf shirts. Instead, I recommend a nice pair of plaid knickers. This makes a bold statement which will draw attention to your pants and distract everyone from the final resting place of your drives. The plaid knickers allow you to pay homage to the dress of the originators of this great game. With the past covered below your waist, your shirt needs to be a very modern style. Bright flashy colors again are best, but steer clear of the clearance racks on this one. A bright green, sweat wicking shirt with arm pit ventilation can increase your comfort and overall look. Next, you are going to need accessories. A hat is a must, remember, bigger is better. Long socks are necessary and should bare a simple and elegant design. Shoes should be bright white and cleaned thoroughly before each round. Now, the most crucial ingredient in this entire equation is your glove. You must have a nice golf glove that is worn in but not beat up. Keeping in mind that you will only be wearing one glove, avoid anything with sparkles, while it may be pleasing to the eye this will cause people to hide their kids from you.

Clubs

Many people are going to invest lots of money in their clubs buying top of the line equipment, this is a waste of time. You should spend your money on getting the nicest golf bag you have ever set your eyes on. The more compartments the better. For guidance on what features to look for check out Rodney Dangerfield in “Caddyshack.” Once again this can be a distraction to keep other golfers from noticing your awful actual golfing abilities. Since you spent so much money on your bag you may be concerned about the lacking quality of clubs in your bag. I am here to give you the best solution to this problem. Many people like to put covers on their drivers. Why not extend that practice to all of your clubs? If one is good, more is better. Putting a cover on all of your clubs will make an exciting fashion statement and will allow you to conceal the true maker of your clubs (Wal-mart makes a fine club).


Lingo

Nothing demands respect on the golf course quite like a few, well used bits of meaningful terminology. Tossing around phrases like birdie and hole in one will not gain you the respect you are looking for. Instead, you are going to need to employ things like “I am going to have to hit a high draw around this strong dogleg, I want to stay out of that cabbage.” The fact that you know the strategy behind this shot and are able to express yourself in such technical terms totally takes away from the fact that you have no idea how to actually pull off this shot.

Sitting around the club house, decked out in your golf clothes sipping drinks and throwing around your new found golf phrases will make you a popular guy at the country club and earn you the respect you have been looking for. You will be able to impress your friends and business associates and will allow you to go golfing with important people without you feeling inadequate."

Check out more of Goochy's wisdom here.





4/23/2008 10:56:18 AM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [1] 

  Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Happy Days

During an afternoon pretending to do some work we were checking out clips from the legendary Happy Gilmore.

A fun way to spend your day we're sure you agree. About the time Bob Barker finished knocking seven bells out of Adam Sandler in another hilarious scene we thought back to the limited edition Oddessy Happy Gilmore Putter.



What a thing of beauty. Obviously if you had one in your bag you'd be laughed off tour but who wouldn't want one in their house?



The best way to get your hands on one is through eBay but we're going to badger Equipment Editor Daniel Owen into pulling every string he can until we can use one for a putting competition.




4/22/2008 3:27:19 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 
Golf's Latest Superhero

Total nonsense. But our kind of nonsense. So bad it's brilliant. Well done Top-flite.




The word on the street is the video was shown at their annual sales meeting. Our highlight has to be when D2 Man mentions a rival manufacturer and it's bleeped out like a swear.

Brilliant. 

Check out more at

4/22/2008 1:04:18 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Monday, April 21, 2008
Lorena Ochoa, Queen Of The Green

The grand slam is dead, long live the grand slam. Lorena Ochoa has a real shout at holding all four LPGA recognised majors. If she can maintain her form for another couple of months until the LPGA Championship in June not many would bet against her. The Mexican already has the Kraft Nabisco Championship, the first major of the year, on her mantelpiece and her weekend’s work show she’s in her pomp.

The world number one became the first LPGA Tour player in 45 years to win four tournaments in consecutive weeks at the Ginn Open in Orlando.

She trailed early in the final round, but went ahead for good with three consecutive birdies from the eighth finishing the day a three-under 69 to beat rookie Yani Tseng by three strokes.
"She's proven that she's our top player," said rival Paula Creamer. "She's set that mark pretty high."

Mickey Wright won four successive tournaments in 1962 and 1963.

Kathy Whitworth (1969) and Annika Sorenstam (2001) also won four consecutive events, but both took a week off during their runs.


"Just stick it down there with the rest."

Ochoa will give her colleagues a chance to take the spotlight next week when she sits out the Stanford Invitation Pro-Am in Florida.

Sorenstam (2004-05) and Nancy Lopez (1978) hold the tour record with five straight victories in events entered, but neither of those came in consecutive weeks. Lorena will try to make it five straight in two weeks in Tulsa, Oklahoma.



4/21/2008 11:22:01 AM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Friday, April 18, 2008
Friday Fun

Here is a bit of Friday fun to get your weekends of to a giggly start. This week a couple of golf gags with a religious slant. Don’t worry they shouldn’t offend.

God and St Peter decided on a round of golf in heaven
Peter is a testament to material values, decked out as he is in the latest golf fashion, with a brand new set of clubs and all the accoutrements.

God, in contrast, is a picture of virtue wearing his old gardening clothes and trailing a tatty old canvas bag with a real mixture of ancient and rusting clubs, some of which even have hickory shafts.

On the first hole St Peter smacks a beauty 275 yards straight down the middle.

God, however, tops his drive that trickles along the ground.
It only travels about 70 yards but just before it's about to stop a rabbit runs out of the gorse, grabs the ball in its mouth and hurtles off down the fairway while St Peter watches in astonishment.

Before the rabbit can reach safety, however, a magnificent eagle swoops down and snares the rabbit in its talons before rising majestically, the rabbit still struggling in its grasp but defiantly holding the golf ball in its mouth.

As the eagle soars over the green a bolt of a lightning from a clear blue sky strikes it, killing the bird instantly. It drops the rabbit, which in turn drops the golf ball, which strikes a sprinkler head at the side of the green and takes one bounce straight into the hole for an ace on a par-5 hole.

St Peter slowly turns and says to God: 'Are you going to show off all day or are we here to play golf?'



A young man and a priest are playing golf together. At a short par 3 the priest asks, 'What are you going to use on this hole, my son?'

The young man says, 'An iron, father. How about you?'

The priest says, 'I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray.'

The young man hits his iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says, 'I don't know about you, father, but in my church when we pray we keep our heads down.'




4/18/2008 11:07:04 AM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Thursday, April 17, 2008
Oh Limp Picks

The fight for golf to become an Olympic sport might be old news, but that doesn’t mean we’ve forgotten about it and neither have the game’s figureheads. PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem backed the campaign on Tuesday, following Phil Mickelson and Masters chairman Billy Payne’s recent call for action.

In a blog posted on the PGA Tour’s website, Finchem argued that the addition of golf to the Olympics would promote the sport globally and create extra funding for youth programs worldwide. “By taking a leadership role, the PGA Tour can ensure that this is pursued with the best interests of our membership, tournaments, sponsors and television partners in mind.” He said.


Same again in 8 years time?

Sounds brilliant. Obviously it’s a bit late for Beijing now (and a shame because golf is exploding in the far East) but we’ll see golf in the 2012 games in London right? Well, no. Apparently the earliest it can be added is 2016, which means we won’t see the current crop of promising British talent competing on their home turf once they’ve matured into phenomenal golfers. Why on earth does it take so long to make a decision like this? Surely it’s just common sense?




4/17/2008 4:32:30 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [1] 
GP Wants You!

It goes against everything we’ve been taught in web marketing seminars but we have to tell you guys about a rival to our GP Appreciation Society on facebook.

Tom Ayling wrote to us to see if we minded him linking golfpunkonline.com to the society he created. Usually we’d try and make him join ours but when we had a look we could not help but open our hearts and contact books to help him out anyway we could.



It’s one of the most endearing things we’ve ever seen and will be probably be better than our GOLFPUNK society anyway.

Anyhoo, it’s not as if you have to choose between them, just join them both.

Check out the intro Tom penned to introduce people to the magical world of GP.

“Name: The Golf Punk Magazine Appreciation Society
Type: Sports & Recreation - Games
Description: We know that golf is a game not appreciated by all walks of life.
It was a dark time for golf, 4 years ago, it was an under-achieving sport.

This was where the best Magazine in the world came in, GolfPunk. To golf, it was the James Bond of detective films, mixing what you usually have, with something a tad different, which of course included the stunning girls, who fortunately for readers, appear frequently in swimwear and lingerie.

From then, making many followers from the Kirsty Gallacher issue, it was big.

Best Edited Magazine 2006(I Think).

I'll leave you golf punks with these GolfPunk Philosophies:
Attitude not Age
Keep Yourself Nice
And greeting people with "Evenin' " no matter what the time of day.

GolfPunk-
THE GOLF MAG FOR EVERYONE”

If you still need convincing you have a heart as cold as Steve Williams' stare.

Join the party by clicking here or going to http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=12122613315




4/17/2008 12:00:20 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Tiger Has Knee Surgery

Tiger Woods had arthroscopic surgery on his left knee yesterday to repair cartilage damage, his second operation in five years on the joint. He is expected to miss at least a month.

The surgery came two days after Woodsy finished three shots behind Trevor Immelman in the Masters signifying the collapse of this years ‘grand slam’ dream. He’ll most likely miss The Players Championship, but should return in time to play the June 12-15 U.S. Open at Torrey Pines.

"Buggers, it's gone again."

Swing coach Hank Haney said he knew Woods' knee was bothering him, but was not aware of the surgery until Woods called him.

We in the office wish the best of luck and hope he gets well soon.

Don’t know if the rest of the field agree.



4/16/2008 10:31:36 AM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Masters Of Disaster

We’d like to thank everyone who came along and supported the GOLFPUNK and Urban Golf Masters Of Disaster charity shin dig at Urban Golf in Soho on Saturday night.

Much fun was had by all.

More importantly we managed to raise nearly £ 8,000 for Leuka.

Check out the pictures if you don’t believe us and watch this space for information on the next one.



Hair by Wella, swing by cardboard.




"It was a monster putt, this big..."



Urban Golf crowd scene.

Click the logo for more on Lueka.



4/15/2008 2:51:17 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 

  Monday, April 14, 2008
Nice One Trev, But Is The Course The Real Winner?

And so, after all was said and done – and the Augusta National course had reared it’s ugly head once more – it was a case of last man standing takes all yesterday, as Trevor Immelman put pay to Tiger Woods’ ‘grand-slam’ dream before it had even begun.

In holding on for his first Major, the South African outsider became the first man to lead The Masters wire-to-wire in over a quarter of a century, and the second first-time Major-winner to don the green jacket in as many years.



"This has been the ultimate rollercoaster ride, and I hate rollercoasters,” said a triumphant Immelman, who feared he’d never play golf again last year before a tumour was successfully removed from his rib cage just four months ago. “Here I am, Masters champion. It is the craziest thing I have ever heard.”

But after a week of on-course despair beset by dogged resilience, it’s the impossibly difficult Augusta National course – and not Immelman’s improbable victory – that is most worthy of the description; crazy.

Historically, The US Masters has been a colourful and charismatic stage, deserved of awe and overwhelmed by awesome golf shots, and synonymous with spectacle and club-swinging extravagance. However, for some of us here at GP Towers, this year’s tournament was a let down. For the second year in succession, mind-numbingly slow rounds and the gargantuan task of taming a bitter course set-up has rendered The Masters a battle of resolve, as opposed to a risk vs reward quest for glory.

This is to take nothing away from golf’s newest Major champion, who is a worthy champion. Immelman was a class act from start to finish, and, spurred on by words of encouragement from his hero and fellow South African, 3-time Masters champ Gary Player, he did the business with shots to spare.

Trevor Immelman; on top of the world.

“Gary left me a voicemail last night and it gave me goosebumps,” Immelman revealed afterwards. “He said he believed in me and told me to go out there and be strong through adversity. I took that all to heart, and I am obviously thankful for the message and I am sure he is proud of me.”

Player has every right to be proud of his countryman, his driving was immaculate all week and his putting consistently flawless. But did this year’s Masters lack that extra bit of excitement or sparkle that we’ve become used to?

What do you think?

Leave a comment or Email your views to website@jf-media.co.uk





4/14/2008 11:36:28 AM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [1] 
Ochoa Wins Again

At the begging of the month we asked if Lorena Ochoa could match Tiger’s domination on tour. After this weekend we should be asking, "can Tiger keep up with Lorena this season?"

The Mexican has already bagged the Kraft Nabisco, the first major of the year, and on Sunday romped to victory by 11 shots in the Corona Championship. In doing so she recorded her 21st title and secured her entry into the LPGA Tour Hall of Fame.

Three rounds of 66 before a 67 on the final day left her 25-under 267 at the Tres Marias Residential Golf Club in Mexico.

"It was an amazing week," said Ochoa. "I did enjoy myself a lot. I guess I can say I'm in the Hall of Fame now. It was really special to be in my home country."

Unbeaten this season, with a Major under her belt to boot, it looks like Lorena may be the one to have the legendary season.

The rest of the LPGA will try anything to stop Lorena.
 
The only disappointment for Ochoa was the final-round triple-bogey on the 11th which ended her chance of equalling or breaking the LPGA 72-hole scoring record of 27-under 261 set by Annika Sorenstam in 2001.

"I was trying to break the record by going more than seven-under," added Ochoa. "After the triple bogey things went down, but I did want to finish like a champ and when I birdied four of the last few holes, that really made my day."

Suppose she is only human.

With the LPGA Championship, US Women's Open and Women's British Open to come dare we whisper 'grand slam'?




4/14/2008 10:39:44 AM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)  #  Comments [0] 


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