Days don’t get more better than this: a morning of dicing around the walnut whip hilltops of Monte Carlo in Audi’s new über saloon the A6 with a world class racing driver at the wheel, followed by an afternoon of fancy-motor-yacht-sitting-champagne-quaffing Grand Prix watching. There have been worse, much much worse days than this. We just need one more thing, “Fancy a round of golf, Johnny?” I ask my driver, ex-Formula 1 ace Johnny Herbert.

Not likely, it turns out. As a local resident and hugely popular all-round captain of nice, he’s fully booked this weekend and thus, needs to get back aSAP. He’s in the right car to do it. The 4.2 V8, 330hp, and Quattro all-wheel-drive make the new A6 the highest performing car in its category and with an F1 driver in a hurry it’s a driving experience that’s second to none. Johnny’s not tippy-toeing around and as you’d imagine, he knows what he’s doing behind the wheel. It’s like being shown how to eat, drink and play golf all at the same time – by John Daly. He’s also no stranger to Audi’s trademark: discrete styling combined with highly impressive performance. He has an S8 of his own, the forthcoming RS3 is top of his wish list, and he races a 200+mph R8 Le Mans car for his day job. After our spin round the mountains we have to say bon voyage to Johnny and head back to the harbour. He’s a hard act to follow but we’ll give it a go.

It’s the start of the Monaco Grand Prix and champagne is aflow, as is personal race commentary from Johnny’s Audi UK Le Mans team mate Alan McNish. It certainly beats listening to technically-challenged mates harp on about light fuel load strategy whilst on an obviously heavy load strategy themselves in The Old Red Lion.

Jenson Button has a belter and then, once it’s over, it’s time for a spot of celebrity watching. Pitt, Clooney, Damon are all in attendence for a piece of the action between takes for Ocean’s 12. But that’s nothing, Shirley Bassey’s next door and there’s rumours Breadbin and Crouchy are in town fresh from rave reviews at The Cannes Film Festival for their debut celluloid stroll, spy thriller Green Keepers’ Golden Peepers. Then Rio Ferdinand turns up, fresh from Man U’s defeat of Millwall the previous day. It’s time for some market research.

“What do you think of our Elland Road Fantasy Golf Hole?” I ask him, thrusting the last issue of GolfPunk into his face.

A minute’s silence, follows, and then: “Oh, er, yeah, Mark Viduka’s wages, that’s, er, funny”

Whatever. It turns out he doesn’t even play golf. Shame. If there’s one thing you can really do with in golf, it’s plenty of time on your hands.

A staunch day by any standards and highly recommended for next year. Should you fancy 18 holes, make your way up to Monte Carlo Golf Club. You’ll get there fast in an A6. But if Johnny Herbert’s driving you might lose your lunch.

Words and Photos by Steve Read